My Life

Http/:msmatara.blogspot.com/mylife

April 19

     Yesterday was a day. Of course I was busy. I had therapy, with my daughter which means I had to be out early to make it to my appt with her and the therapist. It always takes me at least 2 1/2 hours to get there on the bus. Traveling to Detroit and then also traveling to the far West side and because I left at an early time I got there with at least 20 mins to spare.

     The therapy session I had to take control only because I to continue to express what I need her to how much I want to her how much I wanted her to be home and also how I wanted her to make sure make the right decisions when she returns. Every decision she makes has consequences. I feel bad that she is there. I am working on getting my own place and taking her with me. We definitely have to make sure she does her best when returns.

     I gave her encouragement. I told her I also told her that she shld be receiving a shirt that I bought for her and Tayana. Tracy said that both of the shirts shld be there this week. That got her excited. Just the knowledge of her bein able to receive something new was exciting to her. I keep reiterating what she needs to do once she finally gets a chance to come home. Hopefully she does well. I expect her to do her best and maintains well too. We have a week for her to go to court I already know she won't just get to leave that day however her day is coming soon.

My Life: Can't Understand

My Life: Can't Understand

Starting over and becoming a better more complete me

     Hmmm, after I started on this new path of awareness I figured that I had to do things for myself and on my own rather than always allowing others to do the task that I needed to do myself. I figured that everybody else wld be on board with me learning to be a better person for myself. That was so not the case and instead of ppl wanting to accept the fact that I am learning to be independent for myself ppl really just want me to go back to bein the way that I used to be.

     What wld be better than doin more for myself? I always waited on others to either help me or someone else to do it for me. I can't live life like that anymore.

     And apparently, everybody isn't here for my progression. As soon as I thought that everything was goin well I had a falling out wit a close friend of 20 yrs and everybody started bein mad at me. But why? And all the help that was comin stopped instantly. As if ppl were told to stop helping me. If the help was coming to me, how can everything just stop. My feelings were hurt but there help in my feelings so why feel any kinda way.

     I learned to pick up amd walk away frm everything that doesn't mean me any good. Ppl definitely get mad ab that but oh well. Progression is the name of my game and I can't stop moving towards my goals. My purpose is to get my family back together. I've sn the lies that were told but who cares ab how y'all feel. Let me be great. The end.

Can't Understand

     For the life of me, I won't ever understand how ppl will offer to do something for you but then really just want you to wait for them. There is no reason for any wait. If we agreed on a time and you go passed that time. How am I supposed to feel?

     I am in a place in my life that I have no reason to put that stress on myself anymore. I feel that I have out grown certain situations. Dealing with everyday life as it comes exposes you to so much. And not wanting you to stay within the realms of what everyone else wants for your life.

     Heey, you can't always please everybody but then it takes you to a place of where you realize for yourself that you want to just accept yourself and all that it entails. This creative space that I am in keeps me ready to be a better me.

     No longer wanting to people please, I just wamt others more concerned with just simply wanting to please myself. I can just be happy being and accepting me for me not being concerned bow others perceive me. It definitely to me a while to vet here in this space and I definitely will not being going back to the old space in life that I used to be in. 

     Someone will always feel a certain way about my life and what they want for it and what they feel I should be. But as long as I am happy for and with me, that's all that matters to me. You can't expect for others to want the same for you this is a life. I had to learn to cut off all things that exhausted me and everything and everybody that is foolish to me. Nowadays people figure that I am explosive but not really. I have learned to be a better me for me. And people feel a way about about what they want for me however this life doesn't belong to anyone else but me. So why allow other people dictate your life when it's your life and not theirs? Why wld you be expected to make sure everybody else is satified with your life when your not satisfied in doin that?

      This life was created only for you, so why spend all of your time making sure that you do everything to please other people?

Lazy days

     As I sit rather lay here thinking. I am motivated to write. My blogs are a plc for me to express how I feel. When I feel a certain way, I write.

     I write whatever is on mind and what is in my heart. I hv bn lay with my writing as of lately I am trying to figure out which way my life is going in. Tryna get back to square one. This is one of the hardest task to date for me. This MS illness has made certain days and tasks quite difficult for me. The cognitive issues are something to deal with.

     Initially whn I saw the scan of my bad with the scars/sores I nvr really thought much of it. But I had nvr looked further. For you to be diagnosed wit this illness it takes everything in you to not feel a certain way about it about everything.

     There was always anger, then I had to accept the fact that this illness is here and not going anywhere. There isn't a cure so what can you do? Nothing but accept it. Life always has a way of getting what it wants.

     At first, I looked at this as this being another plan for my life. I am not meant to be like everyone else. My life has to be different. I am only one of a kind. I have to move differently. I have to make better changes for me. You can't stay in denial about your life, you have to accept the good with the bad. No matter what you can't give up and not live your life the best way for you.

     Always put your best foot forward and keep it pushing. Keep your mind focused on the finish line. Sure there will be difficulties however; you can't stop moving.

     All I know is that I can't stop following my dreams. I hv to get everything that is owed to me.

    

A whole New Day

    Today is February 4, it a Sunday and I am the house alone.  He had to work today. A few days ago, someone had told me that my days of going through struggles with my housing shld be over. This has been more than 3 yrs that I struggled to have housing. It has bn a long time without it but I did what I had to, to survive. Recently I had to report about my struggle with actually just living my life. It has bn a complete struggle to simply just live life but it has gotten done. There has bn too many times that I left like giving up but; what wld that get me? Nothing more than heartache and hurt feelings. Currently, I strive to become the best version of myself. I refuse to strivel up like a dried up anything. I have to be out here more, doing more. Today is the day that I rake more out of life. I want a better life and who is going to stop me from giving myself that? I am vetting ready to bring another life onto this earth. How can I not look to become more? I have days where I am more motivated to do more. I have to strive for the best to become a better me.

With this being known I will succeed to becomung a better version of myself daily. When looking to become better I really don't want to turn any worthy job down. I have to continue until I can't go any further. #Motivated, #Happy, #KeepingItGoing, #Strive, #Love,