What am I doing? I gotta let go.

Why do I feel the need to chase people that don't want me? Why do I think that he loves me and he only needs more time to make up his mind? If he really wanted me then he wld have said something. I started out in this relationship with him wanting me only to end up chasing him and trying to make sure that he is okay. He doesn't want me. I stay around because we have so much history. Why can't I let go? Why is it so hard for me to leave? He clearly has a life outside of me. I began chasing after him because we have so much history. I need to let let that go. I need to walk away. I don't even see myself being in a relationship right now. There is so much hostility when it comes to the relationship that we had. In the beginning I hurt him with the choices that I made. I slept with a man that I knew that didn't care about me. I had a child with a man that all we had in common was sex. I believed that since I made myself love him that we could stay together. Ultimately I didn't love him after loving him too much. We only had sex in common. I loved having sex with him until he depended on the love too much. All of my love turned into him using me for what he could. I am done though, I need to change my life, I need and want for my life to be better. I want a better, simpler life. Life is too short for anything else. I want to always strive for excellence. I have to do better for my life and the lives of my children. Life is too short to not do what we want to do in life. I have to let go of trying to be more to him than he wants me to be. He may have been in love years ago but he isn't now. I have to get over all of that old shit and keep moving. I need to love me more than I love anybody else. I have to.