So I spoke to my daughter Tayana. The phone call was bittersweet to me. I love all my children, I feel like I am removed from my kids life. A year ago, lies were told and I was taken out of my kids lives. I don't speak to them as much as I feel that I need to. I did tell Tay that I had started my classes already. I told her of my plans of getting my degrees.
I just want my kids to be proud of me. I feel so disconnected to my kids, even Erykah most of the times. At times I want to cry; but for what. And with that I just take a deep breath and keep moving. Sometimes I feel that my heart can't take it. This sadness that I feel is so disheartening. How do I get passed all of this? My kids have continue to grow up without me being around
At times I can't deal with this. I want to cry so bad. I get misty eyed and I continue to feel sad. And then my companion isn't real supportive but; I knew that before all of this previously anyway. All of this inevitable, this system is designed for us to fail, so why would I do what it wants me to. In my own head I usually suppress my feelings. My heart is hurt by the actions that lead up to the removal of my children.
The devil is always busy messing up lives. Sent my 17 yr old to a detention center because no one wanted to take care her. Yeah she has family however; no one wanted to be bothered to take care of her. I think that of all my children, she is the most like me. Yet she is the one that doesn't favor me as much as she favors her dad. Mentally she thinks the way that I do. I love and appreciate all of my children. I have to work extra hard to get my children back with me for good. My son was my biggest supporter and cheerleader. Even he doesn't call me as much as he used to and that hurts to but what can I do but; accept it.
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