No words, the tales of my life.

     So I spoke to my daughter Tayana. The phone call was bittersweet to me. I love all my children, I feel like I am removed from my kids life. A year ago, lies were told and I was taken out of my kids lives. I don't speak to them as much as I feel that I need to. I did tell Tay that I had started my classes already. I told her of my plans of getting my degrees.

 I just want my kids to be proud of me. I feel so disconnected to my kids, even Erykah most of the times. At times I want to cry; but for what. And with that I just take a deep breath and keep moving. Sometimes I feel that my heart can't take it. This sadness that I feel is so disheartening. How do I get passed all of this? My kids have continue to grow up without me being around


At times I can't deal with this. I want to cry so bad. I get misty eyed and I continue to feel sad. And then my companion isn't real supportive but; I knew that before all of this previously anyway. All of this inevitable, this system is designed for us to fail, so why would I do what it wants me to. In my own head I usually suppress my feelings. My heart is hurt by the actions that lead up to the removal of my children.

The devil is always busy messing up lives. Sent my 17 yr old to a detention center because no one wanted to take care her. Yeah she has family however; no one wanted to be bothered to take care of her. I think that of all my children, she is the most like me. Yet she is the one that doesn't favor me as much as she favors her dad. Mentally she thinks the way that I do. I love and appreciate all of my children. I have to work extra hard to get my children back with me for good. My son was my biggest supporter and cheerleader. Even he doesn't call me as much as he used to and that hurts to but what can I do but; accept it.

Today is a new day

     So today is a new day for me. Currently I am happy, I recently started a new relationship and am as happy as I can be. Well that lasted for a few months until the real him slowly showed up. I had to walk away for my sanity. He wasn't right for me. Someone told me that that they had a dream that I went to jail one day, I thought that it was funny until a few days later the situation dramatically changed. 

I had to pick myself  up and remove myself from that situation. I liked him but not enough to continue risk my happiness. So now I am back to just being me. Happy, carefree, and loving life. You truly don't know what happens until it happens. Some stuff can't be explained. 

You can't take anything for granted. Simply do your best at all times to get the best results. Everyday you have to keep going and do the best for you. Tue only person that you should be trying to impress is you. You are the perfect person to keep a smile on your face. 

You are the light of your own life. No one else can be that for you but you. It took me a while but I finally got that picture. Being able to walk around with a smile on your face and joy in your heart are beautiful feelings. Knowing that everything works out in the most high's purposes is marvelous.

The Honest To God Truth

       For the longest time you try. When you want something for so long, and you want it to work, you try. You never stop trying. The little voice inside of your head instantly tells you that it won't work no matter what but; it is harder to let go and stop trying to make it work.




Only because you've tried to get it to work. Mentally you tell yourself not to give up, but then you tell yourself to let go, it doesn't matter as much as you think. I can let go right?!? Is what I continue to tell myself? But that is way to hard to do. You are actually just too afraid of letting go of the past. There are always good things that went on, good memories that were had, good times that were remembered.




Life is always made up of memories, some good, some bad. They had to be had. Life has to be lived the way that you need to live it. No matter what, and by all meanings it is yours do what needs to be done by you. All of these occurrences happens. And you continue to live another day. All things happen how they are supposed to right? You live life and time tells everything. Live everyday like your last.




We always look for the silver lining in everything, everyday.  Life is to be lived fully. You can't half do anything. Gotta always do your best. No matter what.