Fed Up

Today I was passed my point today. It is hard being me. I just get so tired to all of the situations that I am in. Being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. I wouldn't change it for the world tho. This job, this calling is one that I wouldn't change for the world. No matter how bad I am feeling, my kids keep the smile in my heart, they keep me going no matter what. My job is often too difficult but they continue to help me keep going. I say that things happen for a reason, it's all a part of God's timing.

Taking the day off

Yesterday I was alone, so I decided to take the day off. My kids are still gone so I decided to treat myself to the Days inn. It isn't really that much more expensive than the others it's just higher quality. I checked in, I got my dinner and I relaxed. I laid down and relaxed. I let all of my worries and troubles leave my mind for the night. It was relaxing, very relaxing. I enjoyed my night alone. I allowed myself to be lost in tje enjoyment of the quietness. I know my therapist will be happy

Be thankful for all things

So I had an issue with a certain person in my life and I let it stop me, stop my life. Why did I do that? That is what I am used to doing. I have wasted time because of it. Not me anymore. I can't stop moving, I have to continue even if I struggle doing it. Gotta smile , thank God for the good and bad, gotta be thankful for everything. You always appreciate everything, it taught you something. Whether you liked it or not. I decided to just move on from that spot and live. While you are sitting there mad and upset, the world continues to move.

Forgiveness

To be able to forgive is much easier said than done. Epecially when it's something that you've held close to your heart. You can say "Ok, I can forgive you" but do you really mean it? Can you speak those words and truly let it go? Let go of a deep dark thing that has held you in bondange for so long, for so many years. That deep hurt, that pain in your heart that is so hard to walk away from. Can you actually leave it in a spot and walk away from it never to visit that place again. I once was in a place of that nature and the pain held me captive for years. I was able to address the pain,then walk away from it. I am much happier now and very happy to not be in the  I was in. The same place that held me captive for years. It was silly how kept me captive, I was afraid of moving. I was stuck because I was afraid of change. How can I be afraid of the changes that God set up for me? God doesn't want me to be afraid of all of his goodness he has planned for me. I will not be of all of his new works he has for me. I am not afraid of living life. Praying as I take my every step. I am not as I used to be. Forgiving people is not easy for person very stubborn. Some things aren't as easy as you would want them to be. In order for me to get to all of the goodness that God has for me, I have to cross a few barriers.  There were a few things that hurt me a lot I stayed in that confused place for years. I cried and I didn't understand why but I had to write it out and get it out of my system. To finally write it and move on was the best thing for me. It was quite a challenge to see certain people,to stand face to face with them and not be weak. To not afraid. See a long time ago, I learned to not face opposition head on. Now I realize it isn't that bad to face all of my fears. What I am scared of. There were tons of people who have done me wrong but I can't stop living life. I must move on. Not to say that I am an angel,I am not always right however I don't feel I cause all of the action that make my life so hard.  It's life so I can't trip. Gotta get over everything that I failed at and move on. Time to make everything right not only  in my life but the lives of my kids.only I want them to forgive me for all of my failures.

Assumption 101

Hmmm, so I hv an issue with people and how they think. I totally understand I don't have to pay people any attention but it annoys me that when people do not take take to get to know me they assume the worst. I had to spend the night with a friemd recently after church. I waited for a specific church friend to drop me off, before he could come outside of church another member offered  to drop me off. He said that him and his wife lived close to the near where I was going. Since they offered I accepted the ride they offered. He said "We can drop you off as soon as my wife walk out." He said. We waited for her to get out and I called my friend to let him know who would be dropping me off. He said "Ok, no problem" As soon as she got out her husband let her know that they would be dropping me off. The was pleasant but long because they lived west and we were east. Towards the end of the ride the wife turned to me as we exchanged pleasantries and asked me if I had enjoyed the service and I nodded I did enoy the amazing service that the church had. It was actually revival on a Friday evening. As we rounded the corner to get to his house the wife also asked if I got the message that the Evangelist was deliving I nodded yes and spoke and the words "yes". The wife simply replied "So you know that if God comes back tonight, he wouldn't take you right? I tried to disagree with few words. She repeated again, "You know if God comes back tonight he won't take you." Honestly, I didn't wanna argue nor seem disrespectful so I just said "ok" and shook my head as they pulled up to to my friends house. I thanked them as I got out. I ended up telling my friend what the church member had said to me mostly because I had never spoken to the woman or her husband so I could believe that she would think of me in such a bad way. I never spoke of it again. The next day my friend got me a ride back on the eastside we didnt speak on what the lady to me but one day he called me out of blue to tell me that he and the church lady had a discussion about the night that I spent the night at his place and he had to correct her because she said the exact same thing to him. He corrected her and explained the details of my spending the night with him. I havent seen the lady since but I had another church member try to tell mw that I should have explainex to her fully the circumstances of that night. Then she wanted to apologize for assuming the worst of me when she didn't know me nor and just assumed the worst in me. Im not a bad gal, nor do I try to do anything vad. Im not percect Im just a work in progress.

My Life

My Life

A question for you

What would you tell your younger self, if you could? Me personally, I would tell myself to focus on your dreams and goals. I would tell myself to follow my dreams and always believe in myself. Always make sure that I complete everything that I start. Never leave any stone unturned. Focus on your dreams, focus on my singing. Focus on my voice. Fous on my writing. Write books, sing songs. Love every bit of yourself, you're beautiful. Follow your heart. I know what I would tell myself. But what would tell yourself? What you give yourself advice to put yourself in a better position in life now?

Naturally Me

So this is honestly my very first time being open about my hair. Although I have been natural since 2010. I went natural before that but moving and not taking care of my hair caused major breakage to the point of me just cutting off my damage hair, relaxing it and starting over. But befor my move out of Detroit I was natural for at least 3-4 years. Once I moved I didnt have the utensils to keep my hair up so most of it was damaged. Once I moved back and got my relaxed once I decided once again to not relax my hair anymore. I started the upkeep of hair. I kept my hair mostly braided or straightened and flat ironed. I began to take Biotin again to ensure good growth of my hair and nails. Also to make sure that my skin looked radiant as usual. I love having my hair braided. Since I keep it braid, that ensures me that my hair will continuously grow. I am such a fan of longer hair and it being natural is a plus for me. I despise washing my hair. Well me washing my own hair is always something that I dread. I don't actually dread it, I just love to get my scalp scratched or massaged by someone else. Lol Yeah that the lazy me talking. It is a process. But I havd started this process once again and I don't plan on stopping this time. I just want my hair to go and be naturally long. I have a descent type of hair kind of wavy and kinky. I even make sure my kids hairstyles are natural. People don't understand the damaging effects of sing a relaxer. My hair grows better witout chemicals in it so I choose to not put relaxers in my hair anymore.

I also choose to not relax any of my daughters hair anymore. I love the results that I get from my hair now. Now with the natural state that it's in. I feel gorgeous when I style my hair. Whether it's straight or kinky curly. I absolutely love the texture of my hair, its beautiful.

Being patient, waiting on God

Im embarking on a new journey. All of my issues from my past can't affect my future if I don't let it. I have to be secure within myself, I have to trust myself. I can't be anything to anybody else  or say anything to mess up my life. I have to be the master of my own destiny. It seems so easy to say it just isn't as easy for me to do. I must be secure in being me I have to love myself more than anybody can or will love me. These are my stepping stones. I can't predict the future for anybody else however I can predict my own future, my own destiny. Smile, smile and smile. I have to live for me. My life is just beginning to fall into place. I can tell my story, be done with that story and simply begin again. I have more stories to tell. I have lived quite a life.

My Life: Love

My Life: Love